By Dr. Amy Grosso
When violent events dominate the news cycle, many parents, caregivers, and educators wonder: How do I talk about this with children? It’s a difficult question, but an important one.
Children are often more aware of violence than we think. Even when adults try to shield them, kids overhear conversations, see images on TV or social media, or sense the stress in the adults around them. Violence, whether a local incident, something happening at school, or a major national event, is not something they can easily ignore.
Yet, for adults, starting these conversations can feel daunting. Many worry about saying the wrong thing, not having all the answers, or inadvertently making children feel more fearful. But silence can send the unintended message that the topic is too scary or off-limits. What children need most is honesty, reassurance, and the space to share what’s on their minds.
Tips for How to Talk to Children About Violence
The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) offers excellent guidance on how to approach these sensitive conversations. Here are a few key strategies:
1. Make Space for the Conversation
Life is busy, but these conversations can’t be rushed. Children open up more when they feel safe and unhurried.
Some kids may not want to sit face-to-face at the kitchen table. Instead, try talking during a walk, a car ride, or while doing an activity together. For others, drawing, journaling, or playing may be their way of expressing feelings. The important thing is to meet them where they are—there’s no single “right” way to talk about tough topics.
2. Keep It Age-Appropriate
You don’t need to share every detail. There are ways you can have age-appropriate conversations about violence.
Younger children may only need simple, concrete explanations, while older kids and teens can handle more context and nuance. Let their questions guide you. Answer honestly but avoid overwhelming them with information. It’s also important to remind them of the steps being taken to keep them safe, especially in places like school.
3. Reassure Them About Safety
Children often worry, “Could this happen to me or someone I love?”
It’s impossible to promise that nothing bad will ever happen, however you can emphasize the safety measures in place including locked doors, visitor check-ins, safety drills, and caring adults who are always watching out for them. These reminders help children feel more secure.
4. Limit Media Exposure
Continuous news coverage and graphic images can intensify children’s anxiety. While it may be impossible to shield them entirely, it’s essential to limit media exposure for kids after violence and traumatic events.
Practice setting boundaries around media: Encourage breaks from the news,check in about what they’ve seen or heard online, and help them separate fact from rumor.
5. Focus on What They Can Do
When faced with fear, children (and adults) often feel powerless. One of the best antidotes is action.
When helping children cope with scary news, encourage them to think about positive steps they can take. Even small actions like being kind to classmates, joining a service project, or simply supporting a friend can restore a sense of control and hope.
Why Talking to Kids About Violence Matters
Avoiding these conversations doesn’t protect children, but instead leaves them to sort through big emotions on their own. By opening the door to honest, age-appropriate dialogue, you give them the chance to ask questions, share fears, and find reassurance.
Most importantly, these conversations remind children that they are not alone. They have trusted adults who will listen, guide, and walk alongside them, even when the world feels uncertain.
Dr. Amy Grosso is a national leader in student wellbeing and school safety with more than 15 years of experience and is the host of the podcast School Safety Today.
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